You could never guess the cruelty that you'll face in the next 6 years. But don't worry because you'll survive it all 'cause I'm still here, aren't I?
At the tender age of 14, you think the worst thing is not getting your feelings return by your crush. But you're so far from the truth 'cause that's just the tip of the iceberg. For the first time in school, you became an outcast. You don't care how your hair look or the fact that you would wear the same sweater for a whole week. You started to notice things you've never noticed before. How people treated you like you have no feelings. How the friends you had back in middle school are too cool for you now. How loneliness really feels even though you're constantly surrounded by people. Then sophomore year rolls around and you had to transfer to another school. It's not hard making friends but you still felt left out. You missed your good friend from your old school terribly, you did poorly in school, was mentally abused at home and so you developed depression, OCD, and an overactive bladder. You called hotlines 'cause you had no one to talk to but even there, you couldn't escape racism. You weren't allowed to cry or vent your feelings. You were made fun of for having depression and so everyday, you thought of suicide but this is just the beginning. Junior year came and you had to transfer again because they didn't want you to messed with their school's academic reputation. Again, you didn't have trouble making friends but something embarrassing happened and you were tortured by your classmates for the whole year because of it. You often hid in the library during lunch because you couldn't deal with it. You couldn't escape the pain no matter where you went and crying in your sleep didn't help. You would walk through the school hallway like a mindless drone and when you see "him" you just want to die. He hurt you so, so much yet you couldn't even cuss him out. "It's your fault", they would say and you believe them. You believe them when they were wrong. Senior year starts and you're back at the school of your freshman year. You're not the same person anymore. Even though freshman year was hard, you had a bit of self confidence but you came back empty handed. Now, the reality of this world started to sink in. Not only were the kids cruel to you, the teachers were too. You couldn't do one damn thing about that though. You hid in the library during lunch again. You didn't want to answer to the world. And you didn't have to 'cause the world owes you nothing. You graduated with no cap and gown, no prom pics, no good memory of what high school is about but you made it. You survived high school. You survived it and you were proud of yourself but that's not the end. You spent the next year out of high school at home on the Internet all day, feeling worthless like how you usually feel. Then you started college and a new world started to unfold before your clouded eyes like a revelation. You then realized that those embarrassed, painful memories are nothing to you now. Those years during which you wanted to throw yourself off a cliff are just child's play. You're an individual who is strong enough to survive, wise enough to not let the past dictates your future, prideful enough to not retaliate, and kind enough to know that you're a human that deserves love and respect.
So dear Thi, I hope you don't hate me for not looking out for you, for getting you in trouble and for putting you through unbearable pain. Because in the end, you're not the bully nor the racist. You're not the immature teacher nor that jerk who hurt you so much. And you're definitely not those abusers who have tormented you for years. You're a strong woman and you're going to make it no matter what path you'll choose. A beautiful tea cup had to go through all kinds of torture before it becomes a beautiful tea cup. You just don't know that right now, at the tender age of 14.